He’s Got More Than Me (And He Shouldn’t Have)

It’s one of the worst feelings and it’s made even more uncomfortable by the shame that often hops on for the ride.

Jealousy.

It’s a long way from gorgeous. I rarely hear anyone to admit to it, but our economy thrives on desire, short term material reward and competition. So it seems a little unlikely that no one feels it.

Most people will admit to depression, despair, anxiety and even loneliness, but few will say they are jealous.

No one likes jealous people. The ‘optics aren’t good’ to borrow a well-worn phrase from marketing.

Best keep it hidden because it shows that you can’t get what you want, but they can. It reveals that you lack something that’s important to you, and you don’t possess the qualities necessary to change that. You’re not skilled enough, brave enough, beautiful enough, lucky enough or smart enough.

Yuk.

I have never heard anyone talk about sibling relationships without hearing a subtext of jealousy

Maybe it’s just me.

In the most extreme example I’ve come across, my friend would say to me, ‘the thing is, I’ve never been jealous’. Maybe she was right. Maybe, but in the next sentence she would describe her rage about how her life had been compared with theirs. Battles over their mother’s will destroyed what was left of the relationships between these siblings.

So no one wants it, but nearly everyone experiences it

What can we do with it? First part is to deal with the feelings about the feeling.

I was in a therapy training class yesterday evening and, after a lot of trepidation, told the whole group that I had been feeling jealous. After I described the circumstances, it turns out that everyone knew exactly what I was talking about and 90% admitted they feel jealous, and they hate feeling like that just as much as I do.

This was such a relief. It is just a passing feeling like all the others, and it doesn’t even mean anything about you.

Jealous? So what

Dogs are one of the loveliest creatures on the planet. They are loving, forgiving and fun-loving. At least that’s how it looks from the outside. Yet they get jealous. No one thinks that’s evil, or a sign of dog-defectiveness. Mostly, we think it’s a bid for more attention, and that’s something most of can recognise and empathise with quite readily.

So, feel jealous. It’s only a feeling, a passing construction, and it will pass like all the others. It might even contain some useful information. Or it might not. It means nothing about you or your innate value.

#jealousy #success