Everybody knows that we are our own …

Everybody knows that we are our own … Worst? What?
You don’t remember every sentence you ever heard,
but you remember that one, ‘I am my own worst enemy.’

Whenever I speak with a group of people and ask them to fill in the blank, I see them are nodding in agreement, and all of them complete the sentence in the same way.

What a horrendous thought to believe. That the very worst thing in the world, your worst enemy, has broken into your house, it’s standing beside you and behind you, and it’s going to leap right into you.

Because it is you.

?????? ?? ??????? ??????? ?? ??? ???? ??? ????? ?? ? ??? ?? ??????.

This enemy has control over you. It makes you get up too late, it stops you concentrating, it watches YouTube, it goes to the park instead of working.

So you get hyper-vigilant about you. You look for tips on how to get you to do what you tell you to do.

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This is giving me a headache.

But we believe that looking at things this way will be effective.

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You want to do two contradictory things at the same time. We are all familiar with that experience. So we talk of parts of our minds, fast thinking vs slow thinking, and primitive vs advanced.

They are all metaphors, as your mind is a network rather than parts

In the schema we are using here, there’s an ‘I’ and there’s an ‘enemy’.

‘I’ refers to the conscious part of us that makes goals and plans, and considers consequences. The part that isn’t so predictable or logical – the enemy – is referred to as ‘myself’

This is reflected in language, and we say things like,

? I need to motivate myself

? I need to calm myself down.

? I need to get myself started.

? I need to stop myself watching YouTube videos at 2am

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Imagine if ‘I’ and ‘myself’ really were different people. The interaction would go something like this:

Basil is speaking for the ‘I’ and Charles is ‘myself’.

Just before Charles goes to sleep, Basil calls him up, and lists all the things Charles got wrong that day. Basil says he hopes Charles will do better tomorrow. He tells Charles that if he doesn’t get his act together, he will end up living in poverty and everyone will hate him, including his family.

As soon as Charles wakes up, the phone rings, and it’s Basil again.

You get the picture.

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The division is the problem, so it can’t also be the solution. You can’t get better by feeling worse.

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I hope everyone experiences the shining light of an encouraging, talented mentor or teacher at some point in their lives. People thrive around such individuals.

They don’t talk about enemies and division, they don’t create opposition. People like this uplift others, and they create harmony and integration. Because this is where our power is.

Inspired by the work of Jon Connelly, PHD, MSW, LCSW founder of The Institute for Rapid Resolution Therapy, Inc.